not now, i'm dancing.

Choice excerpts below, do yourself a favor and click the link to read in its entirety, and for that matter all other McSweeny’s Pop-Song Correspondences.

Dear Mr. Prince,

It’s been three days since you delivered your keynote address, “When Doves Cry,” to our organization, the American Ornithological Society. As president of theAOS, I wanted to wait a little while before contacting you to express my displeasure with what took place…

…I’m remembering the beginning of your speech now and regretting that we didn’t turn off your microphone immediately. We were eager to hear about the doves crying, but instead you asked the audience to imagine kissing you…

…So it was off-topic from the whole crying-doves thing, but we went with it. It was upon opening our eyes that we realized how strange your presentation truly was. You had filled the auditorium with animals. Monkeys, hippos, tigers, a few dogs, a couple of emus, and three llamas. All dressed in purple pantsuits with hair gel in their fur. The animals seemed limber, judging by the poses they were able to maintain. It’s like they had animal versions of your own sinewy body. But their presence made all in attendance very nervous, which gave them another thing to worry about besides “When will he get to the doves?!”

…The last thing I remember of that night is uniformed officers and animal-control personnel entering the room (the animals were no longer able to maintain their poses, though I remain super-impressed that a hippo can do any yoga at all) as the ornithologists were whisked to safety…

…You know, now that I recall these events, Mr. Prince, I find that I have a hard time staying mad at U. In fact, 2 tell the truth, it might have been the most exciting convention we’ve ever had. So, I guess I should say thank you. Or thank U for the funky time. Please let me know if U ever want to grind out some new ideas. About birds. Or whatever.

Sincerely,

Nicholas E. Darling
President
American Ornithological Society